I Do -- Not

I'm not exactly sure what it's like for females participating in online dating. As a male, one of the most annoying things is getting an email from a beautiful (too beautiful) girl only to have to read like the following four examples I have received in the past couple of weeks:

Hello my friend! How are you doing? I saw your structure and have decided to write to you, your structure has very much interested me. (My structure? Does she have me confused with I.M. Pei or some other architect?) I think that we can become friends and in the future much more. My future friend I search for the person of dream, it can you? If you wish to learn me better that you can write to me on mine email the address:mojevi4ka@yahoo.com. I hope that you will write to me, I with impatience shall look forward to hearing from you. (Just the kind of girlfriend I want...one who is impatient.)

Hello.I found your criteria on a site Match.com. To me advised it in the Internet of cafe. And I for the first time came here.I saw your data and the questionnaire on a site acquaintances. And very much it wanted to me to write to you. (It wanted her to write to me? Is she hearing voices?) I do not know, why I chose you though on a site of acquaintances it is a lot of men. (Great. She can't tell me one thing she liked about me. That's flattering.) But, why that I was more declined to you.I really do not know, that to me to write in this letter. My name Tatyana. And I would like to know you more, if you not against. I ask you to write to me on mine e-mail: tatydetka77@rambler.ruI shall be very glad, if I can receive from you the letter back. And I want you to ask very much that you, also, if I do not approach you, wrote to me about it, well?I want to speak, that I know the English language well so us to communicate not will deliver work. I wait from you the letter soon, your new girlfriend Tatyana. (Wow...in the past, I always dated a girl for a while and then we would talk about if we are or are not boyfriend/girlfriend. I never thought of just declaring -- "I'm your new boyfriend" as we met. I'll have to try that.)

Hello. I have been told that I carry my wieght very well. (Are you saying you're huge but okay with it?) I am just looking for a guy who is kind, concederate, and just down to heart. (Does she mean "down with Heart"? As in, someone who likes female rock duos from the '80s?) One who basicly cares what is on the inside and not the out. I am looking for someone who is honest and who will just love me for who I am and not for what I look like. (So, besides huge, you're also butt ugly? Lovely.) I shall be glad to see from you the letter. My address: mysteriousprincess555(at)yahoo(dot)com

Hi! Nice to see you here!First I would like to describe myself, because you must to know who had written to you.I am charming, mild, caring woman. I am a good listener and achieve the aims I set forth. (She achieves her aims? Is she a hunter? I guess I should warn her that I am pro-animal rights.) I hope to find a man who I would give all my love and care, and get his love, protection and support in return. (She wants to get my love and protection? We just met! Alright, alright...she can get my love, but she can't have my protection! I'm going to need that while I'm giving her the love...) I am a very sociable (the reason I need that protection), thoughtful, kind, and optimistic person. I am joyful and charming, kind and intelligent, caring and gentle. I like to go to the movies and theaters, I like to rest in the forest. (What is she? a bear? Oh, wait...we already established that she's a hunter.) O, yes of course my name is Olga. To me 34 years. I think that the Internet it only means for the beginning dialogue, and I very much hope that we with you shall find common language, and that we with you can start long relations. I very much want that ours with you relations do not become banal correspondence of people far from each other, I want the greater!!! I shall wait your answer to me. And I want tell you that to me more conveniently if you will write to me on my electronic address. It: lapochka74@googlemail.com Bye

Okay, those were some examples of mail-order brides lurking on match.com (and I'm sure other online sites.) This will serve as background for my next post. By the way, feel free to write to these email addresses. But, you be nice! After all...at least one of them is my girlfriend.