You tell me...
I don't know. Maybe I'm the freak in this particular post. You decide.
Whitley and I went to dinner on Friday night. I was in the midst of telling a story (no, not a freakish dating story) when the check arrived. Before I even saw the waitress, Whitley has given her credit card. I jokingly said, "uh-oh." "Uh-oh what?" "When a girl pays the bill, it means she doesn't want to feel obligated to another date." (See one of my past blogs for the full scoop.)
Nevertheless, we continued with the date and went on to tour the DC Monuments at night. We had a good time. So, I started to believe that she didn't pay to get out of seeing me again. At the end of the date, she said she wanted to do something again. Cool.
So, on Saturday I called her. As I was leaving a voicemail, she text'd: "Can't talk. What's up?" I text'd back the same thing I left on the voicemail, "Hey since I have surgery on Wednesday, how about we get together on Tuesday night?" No immediate text response like a few minutes ago. The night passed. Sunday passed. Monday passed. Around 1am Monday night I had to take a couple of narcotics to kill my pain.
About an hour later I emailed Whitley. (Probably not the greatest idea while on narcotics.) "Like I said on Friday, my experience tells me that when a girl picks up the check, she doesn't want to go out again. So, I'll let you make the call and I won't bother you again if you don't contact me. But I did have a lot of fun with you on Friday." I didn't think this sounded too bad. I mean, it was obvious that she wasn't going to call me, but on the off chance that she wanted to, I gave her the option to contact me. Or so I thought.
She emailed back: "I was stuck with my three cousins all weekend and I just got home this morning. I was going to give you a call today to see if that was still available, but I don't think that's a good idea anymore. I had a really great time on Friday too, but this is just a little too much for me. If my style makes you upset then we aren't compatible, no matter how cool and cute I thought you were."
I'm so cool and cute that she waited 2.5 days to call me and hope that I was still available that night for a date. (I do that, too. If I want tickets to a sporting event really badly, I wait until the day of and hope tickets are remaining.) But, I did like the girl, so I did what guys have to do. I apologized for no apparent reason. You know..."yes, dear."
"I'm sorry. My narcotics are making me really moody. I hope to be off of them soon. That is so NOT me. My friends would laugh if I asked if they thought I was mean. But, I was last night. It's not the narcotics alone, though. I'm fed up with surgeries recently. Ugh. Can I have a do-over when I'm not doped up, please? I'll make it up to you."
What came next is a collection of ramblings that I cannot make much sense of. But, somehow I think the summary is that I'm to blame and she really wanted to see me badly, but I screwed it up by assuming she didn't want to see me when she didn't respond to me at all.
"Sugar, I don't mean to sound nasty here AT ALL, so please, please, please don't read it that way. I'm just trying to explain my thought processes here. People are different and just because they don't fit doesn't mean that there's anything wrong about that. I just think my neuroses don't match yours.
I can totally handle yelling or snippiness/snottiness when I know you're really stressed and going through a ton of shit -- and I realize what an understatement "ton of shit" here is. I know that that yelling and stuff is never directed at the person to whom you're talking - it's frustration at something that you CAN'T yet at - like surgeries and constant pain and constant limitations of your activities. And like I said, I can see that for what it is, and I can handle it. But no offense, that email wasn't blowing off steam, it was just spiteful. You deliberately tried to make me feel bad. If you really wanted to know (and hoped) that I would give you a call -- which, by the way, I would have -- would you really have started by saying "I knew I was right about you, that you would engaged in this negative behavior?"
I know your friends will say I'm being overly sensitive or dramatic and I am, they're definitely right. But I've already dated the type of guy who when he's mad or frustrated has no problem hitting below the belt and saying the meanest thing possible, so that's on my deal breaker list, and I'm very sensitive about that. And I KNOW that isn't the real you - you're too sweet and caring. Nevertheless, this was that kind of behavior, to a lesser degree, of course, but still there. And I know it was the result of incredibly unusual circumstances, but I don't know you well enough to have any context .
And it sucks, but sometimes mistakes hit a sore spot you didn't know was there. In the law, we call it the "egg shell plaintiff" - you had no idea that, for a stupid example, someone had brittle bones, and you hit them. Just because the breaks are worse than those that a normal person would have sustained doesn't mean you're only liable for part of it - you have to take care of the whole deal.
God, I'm so sorry - I'm totally being the un-understanding and uncaring bitch here. I don't mean to be. I'm just trying to so hard to be honest and as kind as possible because you deserve that. And I'm sorry if I'm just being stupid, but it's how I feel - stupid or not. I still think you're an awesome guy - to the point that if my female friends weren't all married, I'd totally set you up with them. : )
I really hope that your surgery goes well."
Whitley and I went to dinner on Friday night. I was in the midst of telling a story (no, not a freakish dating story) when the check arrived. Before I even saw the waitress, Whitley has given her credit card. I jokingly said, "uh-oh." "Uh-oh what?" "When a girl pays the bill, it means she doesn't want to feel obligated to another date." (See one of my past blogs for the full scoop.)
Nevertheless, we continued with the date and went on to tour the DC Monuments at night. We had a good time. So, I started to believe that she didn't pay to get out of seeing me again. At the end of the date, she said she wanted to do something again. Cool.
So, on Saturday I called her. As I was leaving a voicemail, she text'd: "Can't talk. What's up?" I text'd back the same thing I left on the voicemail, "Hey since I have surgery on Wednesday, how about we get together on Tuesday night?" No immediate text response like a few minutes ago. The night passed. Sunday passed. Monday passed. Around 1am Monday night I had to take a couple of narcotics to kill my pain.
About an hour later I emailed Whitley. (Probably not the greatest idea while on narcotics.) "Like I said on Friday, my experience tells me that when a girl picks up the check, she doesn't want to go out again. So, I'll let you make the call and I won't bother you again if you don't contact me. But I did have a lot of fun with you on Friday." I didn't think this sounded too bad. I mean, it was obvious that she wasn't going to call me, but on the off chance that she wanted to, I gave her the option to contact me. Or so I thought.
She emailed back: "I was stuck with my three cousins all weekend and I just got home this morning. I was going to give you a call today to see if that was still available, but I don't think that's a good idea anymore. I had a really great time on Friday too, but this is just a little too much for me. If my style makes you upset then we aren't compatible, no matter how cool and cute I thought you were."
I'm so cool and cute that she waited 2.5 days to call me and hope that I was still available that night for a date. (I do that, too. If I want tickets to a sporting event really badly, I wait until the day of and hope tickets are remaining.) But, I did like the girl, so I did what guys have to do. I apologized for no apparent reason. You know..."yes, dear."
"I'm sorry. My narcotics are making me really moody. I hope to be off of them soon. That is so NOT me. My friends would laugh if I asked if they thought I was mean. But, I was last night. It's not the narcotics alone, though. I'm fed up with surgeries recently. Ugh. Can I have a do-over when I'm not doped up, please? I'll make it up to you."
What came next is a collection of ramblings that I cannot make much sense of. But, somehow I think the summary is that I'm to blame and she really wanted to see me badly, but I screwed it up by assuming she didn't want to see me when she didn't respond to me at all.
"Sugar, I don't mean to sound nasty here AT ALL, so please, please, please don't read it that way. I'm just trying to explain my thought processes here. People are different and just because they don't fit doesn't mean that there's anything wrong about that. I just think my neuroses don't match yours.
I can totally handle yelling or snippiness/snottiness when I know you're really stressed and going through a ton of shit -- and I realize what an understatement "ton of shit" here is. I know that that yelling and stuff is never directed at the person to whom you're talking - it's frustration at something that you CAN'T yet at - like surgeries and constant pain and constant limitations of your activities. And like I said, I can see that for what it is, and I can handle it. But no offense, that email wasn't blowing off steam, it was just spiteful. You deliberately tried to make me feel bad. If you really wanted to know (and hoped) that I would give you a call -- which, by the way, I would have -- would you really have started by saying "I knew I was right about you, that you would engaged in this negative behavior?"
I know your friends will say I'm being overly sensitive or dramatic and I am, they're definitely right. But I've already dated the type of guy who when he's mad or frustrated has no problem hitting below the belt and saying the meanest thing possible, so that's on my deal breaker list, and I'm very sensitive about that. And I KNOW that isn't the real you - you're too sweet and caring. Nevertheless, this was that kind of behavior, to a lesser degree, of course, but still there. And I know it was the result of incredibly unusual circumstances, but I don't know you well enough to have any context .
And it sucks, but sometimes mistakes hit a sore spot you didn't know was there. In the law, we call it the "egg shell plaintiff" - you had no idea that, for a stupid example, someone had brittle bones, and you hit them. Just because the breaks are worse than those that a normal person would have sustained doesn't mean you're only liable for part of it - you have to take care of the whole deal.
God, I'm so sorry - I'm totally being the un-understanding and uncaring bitch here. I don't mean to be. I'm just trying to so hard to be honest and as kind as possible because you deserve that. And I'm sorry if I'm just being stupid, but it's how I feel - stupid or not. I still think you're an awesome guy - to the point that if my female friends weren't all married, I'd totally set you up with them. : )
I really hope that your surgery goes well."
posted by biffm at 4:26 PM
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