Everyone should have a spy...

I met Mary E. because she was interested in improv acting. We got to talking and it turns out that we are both on friendster.com. We did the whole "oh you know so-n-so" game and we came to Naomi J. It turns out that Naomi is a good friend of Mary's. They went to grade school through high school together.

BiffM: "How do you know Naomi?"

Mary E: "She is in my grad program with me and actually we went to the same elementary through high school. How do you know her?"

BiffM: "I talked to her on match, but because she was so busy being the manager for some singer, we never actually met. Or, at least, that was her excuse."

Mary E: "HA! She lives with that singer."

(Well, it happened for Celine Dion and that old guy. So, good for them. It must have blossomed recently because I know I saw her on match last month.)

BiffM: "When did this happen?"

Mary E: "They've been living together for two years."

BiffM: "Excuse me? She and I were talking on match.com just last year!"

(I went to read the match.com home page again. Yep...I was right. It IS a website for SINGLES. I knew I wasn't crazy!)

Mary E: "Yes i know, it's a twisted relationship but they are very much together. It is techincally an open relationship for weird reasons but it's really not."

BiffM: "We were supposed to meet up for dinner last year, but I gave up on her."

Mary E: "She probably meant to go out with you. She is a very nice girl. But they are very together."

(Yeah, she sounds like she's a sweet girl. You know...on the keen side of peachy! I could take her -- and all her husbands -- home to meet mom!)

Mary E: "I see her daily would you like me to pass on a message?"

(Oh my god, YES!!!! I just don't know what that should be just yet. Any suggestions?)

Any Interest in Talking?

Yvette T had "rules" for dating with included, "I don't want to go on any dates. I'd rather just hang out."

(Oh, I totally understand. I don't like to eat. So instead, I simply put food in my mouth and swallow.)

She and I started talking because we both liked the same football team. She wasn't much for email or phone conversations. So, we should probably meet in person.

BiffM: "What are you doing for the game this weekend?"

Yvette T: "I haven't decided."

a couple days pass...

BiffM: "Did you decide on what to do for the game?"

Yvette T: "I'm thinking so-n-so bar"

(Damn these one line replies! Does that mean "I'm thinking so-n-so bar, so you should come, too?" or "I'm thinking so-n-so bar with my friends, so have fun at home by yourself?")

I made other plans.

The next day I got a (one line) text message.

Yvette T: "What happened to you?"

(Ummm...I went somewhere that I was INVITED to!)

I was tired of her one line text messages, so I didn't initiate contact. A week later I got a voicemail on my cell. I can't have my cell phone at work, so I didn't get it until 7pm that night. It was sent at 11am.

Yvette T: "I really need a drink. Wanna meet up?"

(Question...did she mean getting a drink at 11am on a Tuesday? Who is she? Barney Gumble from the Simpsons??)

I text back one line saying I can't have my cell phone at work, so here is my work number for next time. (I guess she could still call my cell if it was before work, like 8am and she needed a drink.)

Naturally, she text messages my cell during work hours the next day. (Because if I can't have my cell with me for voicemails during the day, I might have it with me for text messages.) She asked to get a drink again.

I gave up. Last night, I was leaving a bar and was upset about something, so I text messaged her and asked what she was up to. She replied right away and oddly enough, she was about two blocks away. So, I stopped by. She and her two friends were at a table against the wall. Her friends flanked her on both sides and she was the one facing the wall. I surprised her by introducing myself. She introduced me to her two friends and immediately went back to talking to them.

(I guess email and phone weren't the only conversations she wasn't good at. And no wonder she doesn't like to "date." Dating sometimes includes talking to the other person. But "hanging out"...that is different (I found out) . "Hanging out" apparently means "stand behind me while I talk with my other friends.")

So, I did that for a couple of minutes. I figured she might be wrapping up a great story to them. They reached a pause, so I knew there was no story being relayed. After using the restroom, I walked by them on my way out the front door. I didn't bother saying goodbye...

(You know...I didn't want to interrupt their "pause.")

Dinner and a Movie

Elle T. invited me over to her place for dinner. She was making lasagna and garlic bread. I stopped at a Total Wine store to grab a bottle of wine. I got to her place and the food smelled great. I took my coat off and silenced my phone. We put the meal onto plates, ate, and then cleaned up the table. She put away the leftovers and we sat on the couch. Some Rob Schneider movie was on UPN, so we watched that. I fell asleep during the movie.

(Wow. Wasn't that an amazing date story? I keep re-reading it myself because I can't get enough. Were you rolling on the floor the whole time, too? No? Yeah, me neither)

Well, this blog entry was created because I was having lunch with this couple (Tina N. and Nathan R.) at work.

Nathan R: "Why don't you just settle down with (so-n-so) at work."
Tina N: "Yeah, at least you have fun with her."

(Ummm...I had fun in Arizona with my sister, also, but I'm not about to ask her to get a divorce!)

Biff M: "I have fun on dates."
Tina N: "No, you don't. Your blog is just bitter. Your dates are awful."
Biff M: "Wait a second. Do you think the blog entries are my *only* dates? I don't bother writing about *normal* dates. Who would want to read about that I went to a movie with a girl?"
Tina N: "I would!! By the way...you have good dates???"

(Noooo. ..somehow I have such incredible luck to only meet freaks of nature. Oh my god...if I only had dates like the ones I wrote about, I would have taken a baseball bat to my head by now...or maybe gone to live with the turtles in the Galapagos.)

So, there. This entry is entirely for Tina N. Wow, I hope she was entertained with the riveting story about the lasagna!