You could just say "shut up."

Have you ever been emailing someone and they end the email with "have a great weekend!"? Of course you have...everyone has. But what if they write that on a Wednesday? Is that telling you to shut up for a few days? I just got an email like that tonight.

I also had something similar happen at work. When you walk out of my building there is this long walkway to get to the garage. You can't go any direction but straight down this walkway. I was talking to a guy while walking out the door and immediately after shutting the door he said, "have a good night." Huh? It felt like a Seinfeld episode. I looked ahead and reaffirmed that there was indeed a long walkway in front of us. All I needed was to be instantly sent to Monk's Cafe to be talking to George Costanza about it. If you don’t want to talk, just ignore me from the start! Or maybe he likes long periods of awkwardness. Who knows…

Are you on here for your health?

Okay, so you might remember Nancy M. from an earlier post. Well, she and I continued to talk. Every time we were on the phone, it was great dialog. The conversations never hesitated. She's about to take a trip, so I emailed her about it:

BiffM: Hey, how long will you be on your trip?

Nancy M: Hi there :) For a week. can't wait. have you ever been?

(I guess she is like Drew Barrymore in "50 First Dates" because this was the third time I had to tell her that I have been there.)

BiffM: Yep. I was sent there for work. My first day ended the job at 2pm, so I hit the beach and they were having a "Baywatch" photo shoot on the beach. I love that state! :-) So, are you booked between now and then?

Nancy M: Hi- No I'm not booked but I'm not in the position to make plans that I may not be able to keep. and I've had to back out on you before...and its not fair to you at all. And honestly, I'm not really into dating right now. You seem like a lot of fun though and I would like to meet you I'm just not going to make set plans.

(Her "I'm not really into dating right now" statement makes me kinda curious as to why we met ON A DATING WEBSITE! Obviously, that could be a lie to avoid saying she is not interested. But, why was SHE the one calling ME? And her line, "I would like to meet you I'm just not going to make set plans" makes me wonder how this would ever be accomplished. Is she going to stalk me someday when she finds the time? Or maybe she thinks I'll get a job as an auto mechanic and be wearing my name on my jumpsuit, so she'll recognize me?)

(Somehow, someway, a male HAS to sneak into one of these female conferences and learn their methods for keeping guys confused.)

If you are going to lie, lie well...

So, I wrote an email to a girl on match.com. She replied:

Dnicedmd: Thank you for checking out my profile and taking the time to e-mail me. Unfortunately, I have reached a decision not to be involved in online dating at this time and have discontinued my membership to match. I wish you all the best in your search! You definitely have a lot to offer :)

(Yeah, very personal response...she must have really read my email closely.)

BiffM: Okay. Seems like a "cut and pasted" reply, but at any rate, I'll get ahold of you if I see you back online. Hope things work out for ya...

(Oh, and yeah...she's back "online now" two days later. I guess when she said she decided "not to be involved in online dating at this time," she meant at that precise moment in time because she was heading to bed. She'd continue on with online dating in the morning...)

Does doing the right thing help you?

I was chatting with a girl from online (Nancy M) and we decided to see an improv show this past Friday evening.

Around 10am the morning of, I received an email from her:

Nancy M: Hey there- I'm going to have to pass on tonite. My movers changed times and I'm moving tomorrow instead of sunday. I have to pack and get organized tonite. I'm sorry. This just wasn't a good weekend- this moving thing took me by surprise. I'd like to meet you once things are settled and maybe just in arlington, georgetown area?? ok- have a good day. -Nancy

(Yeah, movers have such open schedules that they just change days on you in a moments notice. Riiiiight.)

I didn't respond. About 30 minutes later, I received an email from a different girl from online (Tammy B) and the following chat took place:

Tammy B: how about grabbing a cup of coffee on night or sometime over the weekend - let me know!

BiffM: doing anything tonight? There is an improv show I want to check out. Would 8pm work for you? xxx-xxx-xxxx is my cell.

Tammy B: actually, i'm not doing anything! i would love to go catch an improv show.

(She didn't give her cell number.)

Being that it was a federal holiday and I was off from work, I took a nap. Around 2pm, my cell phone rang. I didn't pick up. I checked the message and it was Nancy M.

Nancy M: Hey, its Nancy...your date for tonight. Turns out that the movers aren't coming tomorrow afterall, so we are still on for tonight. Call me and let me know where you want me to meet you.

(Huh? My date for tonight? Didn't she cancel on me? Now, what do I do?)

I did the decent thing and decided to keep the second date I made. I left a message for Nancy M saying that I already made other plans. She called back within two minutes...

Nancy M: Wow you don't waste time!

Biff M: No...I didn't want to be bored tonight...

We chatted for 20 minutes or so and I realized that I really wanted to meet her more. But, I kept the date with Tammy B, anyway.

I emailed Tammy B with the bar/restaurant to meet at 7pm.

I got to the bar at 7pm on the dot. It was a pizza restuarant with a bar and it was packed. I scanned everyone. No one seemed to look like her photo -- at least no girl who was alone. Great...I didn't go with the girl I preferred to meet and now I'm being stood up. I waited until 7:15pm and left. As I left, I realized I didn't have change for the Metro. So, I went next door to a seafood place to get change at the bar. That place was a lot less crowded and it was easy to get to the bar. I got my change and headed home.

Later that night, I received an email:

Tammy B: hey there - it looks like we missed each other and i think i know why. i went to the address given on the website and it didn't look quite right (i thought we were meeting at a pizza place and this seemed more like a seafood place) but i wasn't sure what else to do. only when i left did i see the pizza place, around the corner but with the same address. why would there be two places with the same address? that really doesn't make sense. so i hung out in the pizza place for a while (cool place!) but didn't see you. my apologies for the problems -should we try again?

(Huh? You knew you were in a seafood place instead of a pizza place, but you stayed there anyway? Why didn't you call me? And I went into the seafood place for change and you still didn't see me and it wasn't crowded! Yeah...I believe you.)

Biffm: Did you just not have my number with you? I gave it to you (in the other email.) Call me sometime and we'll see what we can do...

Tammy B: hey there - i am getting the feeling that you want to extract blood from me for my error. okay. so here it goes: no i did not notice the phone number tucked away at the bottom of your email. so no i did not have it with me and so instead spent 20 minutes hanging out at the hostess station of the wrong restaurant eating their little jelly mints. like i said before, i apologize for the error and take full responsibility. i am sensing quite a bit of hostility / aggression in your emails. my intuition tells me that this "relationship" is no longer salvageable and so it is best to cut our losses and move on. good luck with everything.

(My cell number was "tucked away at the bottom of my email?" IT WAS A TWO-LINE EMAIL! How tucked away can it be???)

I had to reply:

Biffm: Don't worry about it...its not really your fault. I've been stood up by over a dozen online girls so far (not sure why that is). So, now no one has much room for error. It's exhausting to pursue girls who I am not sure if they are really sincere in wanting to meet me. I actually walked into the seafood place at 7:15 to get change for the metro to go home. I guess I lost faith in your story b/c you didn't come up to me when I walked in there. Again...it's not your fault. Let's blame the others who stood me up prior to you. Okay? :-)